Gift giving is not a modern phenomenon — although with the overwhelming focus at the end of the year you might think so. According to The New York Times, the offering of resources with no expected return is an ancient practice that may have actually helped early humans survive, making “giving” part of our evolutionary psychology.

Men who shared their resources were more likely to attract a partner and thereby pass on their genes…

In ancient times, women who were the most generous with food, animal pelts or other resources had a better chance of helping their children survive and thrive through mutual help from the community. Men who shared their resources were more likely to attract a partner and thereby pass on their genes, sustaining the human race for another generation.

For modern humans, is gift giving still socially valid or is it simply a manifestation of our consumer society?

While some economists suggest that modern gift giving is ineffectual and economically wasteful (Waldfogel, 2009), Harvard psychologist Ellen J. Langer argues that banning gift giving among family and friends to save money is a big mistake.

“If I don’t let you give me a gift, then I’m not encouraging you to think about me..”

“That doesn’t do service to the relationship,” Langer explains in The New York Times. “If I don’t let you give me a gift, then I’m not encouraging you to think about me and the things I like. I am preventing you from experiencing the joy of engaging in all those activities.”

Studies show that “human generosity, far from being a thin veneer of cultural conditioning atop a Machiavellian core, may turn out to be a bedrock feature of human nature.” (Delton et al., 2011) We are born givers, for better or worse.

So what makes the best gift? I asked some of my friends about the greatest gift they’ve ever received. Here are their stories:

Karan, a graphic designer and former Olympic hopeful from Springfield, MA, recalls: “The best gift I ever received was three track and field disks, the same Christmas that I got a calligraphy set. Both shaped the person I am today.”

Christina from Hoopeston, IL, says her favorite gift was the dreaded “one phone call” from her brother. His court hearing had not gone well, and he was being sent to jail. Yet, he used his one phone call not to ask for help, but to wish her a happy birthday.

“With all that was going on in his life at that exact moment, he made me his priority. I’ll love him forever for that.”

Richard from Chappaqua, NY, recalls recovering from pneumonia while in basic training for the Army. On his birthday, a man he barely knew brought him a box of cookies — he still remembers that small gesture today.

Ann from Syracuse, NY, remembers her first serious boyfriend giving her a gift that showed how well he knew her: a miniature Swiss pocket knife. The combined ”cuteness” and utility of it was exactly right for her; and she remembers clearly the twinkle in his eyes that showed the joy he felt in giving her this perfect gift.

Never underestimate the power of a good bowl of soup.

Beverly from San Antonio, TX, recounts a gift of immeasurable value during the last weeks of her mom’s life — free time.

“My clients, my family, my friends, my husband and my kids all took a backseat to what was, without a doubt, the hardest time of my life, and they did so with great compassion and understanding. I was able to spend all day and night with my mom, doing what I could to make her comfortable and happy, and greedily soaking up every last precious moment I could with her.”

Dawn from Brighton, MI, recounts a gift not received, but given. She had gone to the family cottage for the weekend, and was on her way home to see her dad on his birthday. She was upset with herself for not having a gift for him, until she remembered that he loved the bean soup at a restaurant near the cottage. She stopped in and picked up the biggest container of soup they had. Three hours later she watched her father grinning from ear to ear, savoring each spoonful as if it were the finest delicacy.

The best gifts are not the biggest or the most expensive; the best gifts are the ones that are the most thoughtful and meaningful. Whether it’s a phone call, a box of cookies, a pocket knife, or a bowl of soup, a good gift is one that shows the giver truly cares about the recipient, which in turn brings untold joy to the giver. In other words, never underestimate the power of a good bowl of soup.