Surviving an Empty Nest … Again

Advice for the Journey - Image 460x234
By Evan Kimble, LMHC

Q. We’ve been either blessed or cursed (depending on your perspective) with having our adult daughter live with us until recently. She, along with our granddaughter, came back home after a divorce and just moved out again. When they first moved in, it was hard for everyone. But over the past four years, we all got used to it and liked having them both around. Now it is like Empty Nest 2 for my partner and me. I find myself at loose ends, wondering how to apply my energy.

A. Use this transition to bring about positive change in your life. If we don’t actively respond to Empty Nest experiences, all sorts of difficulties can ensue: boredom, restlessness, unhealthy habits and emotional drift. When we move into this new period consciously, we have tremendous opportunity to enhance our environment and habits.

Perhaps you want to revitalize your home. This might be an opportunity to simplify, to look at all the stuff you have accumulated, see what still has use and beauty, and what is clutter. Clear out the deadwood. This creates empty space, physically and mentally, that can suggest new purpose.

“It is the space within the jar that makes it useful.” — Tao Te Ching

You may want to revive old dreams, or find new ones. Make an exhaustive list of activities you care about (or once cared about) and see what still inspires you. Pick a couple of things off that list and try them out. Allow yourself to be playful. You don’t have to decide to be “a painter” if you want to paint; just mess about like a kid, and see where it takes you.

Some journaling at this time may be useful. Perhaps you want to capture what was precious and what was hard about sharing a home with your daughter and granddaughter. You can use words, collage, or photo-album. This process can get you settled with the past, and ready to look forward. Of course, you can also create new ways to stay connected — family meals, shared activities, hangout night, or visit by Skype if they’ve moved farther away.

The true purpose of these external activities and actions is for the cultivating of your inner habits of mind. You were blessed (or cursed) with a second chance to live with your child and to be present for all that it brought. You now have another chapter of life to bless with your presence. Enter it consciously; engage with it meaningfully. Empty Nest 2: Older and Wiser, now playing in 3D!

About the Author

Evan brought together a rich diversity of elements in his practice, his writing and his life: science and spirituality, passion and grace, East and West sensibilities. He was a respected contributor on our team, a warm and lovely friend, a loving husband and caring dad. He will be missed and remembered with love by all of us. In Memoriam, January 2016 In Memoriam, January 2016