I save old calendars. I often need a phone number or want to check a date from the previous year, resulting in a pile of old calendars going back to 1986. When I look back through them I don’t see much joy; rather, a series of deadlines, moves, surgeries or illnesses, doctor’s appointments and meetings. Even when there is a birthday or summer gathering, I mostly see the effort required to prepare for those events. I don’t see the moments of joy and happiness, the feelings of appreciation, gratitude or love reflected in the calendars.

Change happens, growth happens, and we can’t go backwards to a previous condition; we can’t ever step back into the same river.

We all have our own concerns, challenges and struggles, and we witness even more struggle and pain in our friends and in the world around us. I have come to see that the Buddha was right: Life is suffering. Recovering from your particular brand of suffering requires you to recover from life itself. Life’s challenges don’t go away; we overcome them when we take on recovery as a way of being.

The dictionary defines recovery as “… returning to a normal condition, or returning to a former or better condition … .” But can that really happen? Change happens, growth happens, and we can’t go backwards to a previous condition; we can’t ever step back into the same river.

For example, my son had a bad break in his leg. Now, three years later, he is recovered enough to go backpacking. He also has to wear special socks and shoe lifts, and his life is different in subtle and specific ways. He carries a sorrow that he is not that same athlete anymore. Yet he is appreciative that he can still do most things, and he has gained a certain maturity.

Whatever degree or intensity of suffering we undergo will change us, and we will grow. As we live life and recover from its many experiences, we become more skilled, more sophisticated at handling change, and we can learn to “recover” from life in a positive way. We can learn to enjoy the moments and begin to understand the meaning of life even as we suffer. In a constant recovery model of life, we can take our cues from positive psychology, religion and acceptance.

We can learn to enjoy the moments and begin to understand the meaning of life even as we suffer.

In the past decade the positive psychology movement has become quite popular. Martin Seligman is the founder of this field of study, which examines healthy states, such as happiness, strength of character and optimism, to help people improve the quality of their lives.

In his hugely popular TED talk, Seligman (2004) explains that we are evolutionarily programmed from ancient times to see danger and look for problems. For our ancestors, this skill could save one’s life. But this kind of “problem-seeking” behavior is far less useful in our relatively safe, modern lives; rather, it can lead to a person seeing only problems and creating unhappiness.

Using positive psychology, we can, with a bit of training, shift our thinking and change how we see the world. We can teach ourselves to be less miserable and more satisfied with our lives.

According to Seligman, we have the ability to seek a pleasant life, one that is full of pleasure and positive feelings. We can choose to experience a life of engagement, in which our attention is focused on the task at hand, such as work; raising children; or engaging in research, music or art. And, we can seek a meaningful life where one serves a higher ideal.

(Seligman outlines suggested actions, supported by research, to improve one’s happiness and choose a more joyful life, on the Authentic Happiness website linked at the end of this article. The site includes a questionnaire designed to help you determine your own levels of happiness and well-being.)

In seeking meaning and satisfaction, others take a spiritual or religious approach, including prayer or meditation, to offer a new way of looking at and living in the world. Religion may help one live for a higher purpose that offers meaning in the lives of the believers, even when those lives may be difficult. Repeated positive thinking physically changes our brain patterns so that this way of thinking comes more naturally.

How then can we live a happy, meaningful and rewarding life while also looking beyond ourselves?

A final key to finding joy in the midst of suffering comes with letting go of concerns that one can’t do anything about. There is a small book called Graceful Passages — A Companion for Living and Dying that includes a conversation between the Jewish Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi and his God.

In this beautiful expression of letting go by an old man, he states, “I still have some concerns for people in the family, for the world, and for the planet. I put them in Your Blessed Hands” (Dass, et. al, 2006). In this letting go, the rabbi was able to gracefully accept that his work was no longer required, and he could go on in peace.

As we face the realities of the world, we will see pain and suffering. How then can we live a happy, meaningful and rewarding life while also looking beyond ourselves? With the help of positive psychology, religion or acceptance to help guide our thoughts, we can begin the process of recovering from life … as a way of life.