Let’s grasp hair grooming at its roots: when the hairs on your back outnumber those on your pate, when your eyebrow hairs grow longer than a Lilliputian nap and even your best friend avoids glancing at your nostrils, what’s an outgoing, friendly chap to do?

When your trusted hair stylist recommends you ditch perms, hot rollers and dye jobs — or at least one of these three — do you stare down your patrician nose and think to yourself, I need to find a new old-fashioned hair stylist?

The first bald truth is this: elder eyes can no longer focus in on that close-up hair.

Cut me a bob here, friends. The first bald truth is this: elder eyes can no longer focus in on that close-up hair. Tried shaving under your arms lately? If you can honestly say that you actually see those armpit hairs, maybe you’re the exception. But if you’ve lately sensed the social scene thinning in your proximity, maybe it’s time to ask yourself why nobody looks you in the face anymore.

We’re talking hair here: recalcitrant, shape-shifting, unmanageable hair. We’re talking bald is beautiful as long as the strays are mowed and the edges neatly trimmed. Suddenly that glorious, youthful mane is frizzy, untamable, or, it simply disappeared like the Dodo bird.

“Violet will be a good color for hair at just about the same time that brunette becomes a good color for flowers.” — Fran Lebowitz

Bruce McLaughlin, of McLaughlin Hair Design in Seattle’s toney Magnolia Village, dressed my mother’s hair for 40 years before she gave up color/perms/rollers/hot dryers for her halo. Still styling hair on heads of all ages, Mr. McLaughlin sees hair rollers heading south along with perms, as new and improved styling products replace them.

“The single most difficult aspect of grooming older hair,” says Bruce, “is over-processing. Some women, and men too, still insist on all the old style products that really damage hair.” He adds, “Others wisely choose short hair styles. They look good, and the client can use coloring products or perms, because the damage gets cut off more often.”

Grey or white hair is caused by a loss of pigment. Smoking increases the likelihood of hair turning grey. While salt-and-pepper hair often imparts a distinguished aura, a greying temple can add years to a face. Budget shampoos often magnify the yellowing tendency of grey hair.

“Because grey hair follicles are hollow,” explains Bruce, “the hair is lighter in weight.”

“Because grey hair follicles are hollow,” explains Bruce, “the hair is lighter in weight.” He suggests filling grey hairs with protein/keratin fillers that not only add weight, but also impart shine.

“Fillers are the least costly way to improve the look and condition of hair,” he adds. “Fillers can include color, plus have the benefit of conditioning. The older a scalp, the more conditioning its hair requires.”

“Cutting,” Bruce says, “is the best conditioner known to man.”

Unlike many of their clients, barbers and stylists can detect hairs growing out of the client’s ears, or on the full sail sweep of an eyebrow gone Einstein, whose owner mistakes as imparting a “distinguished” appearance. Stylists will trim these gratis.

Hate shaving? Learn how to trim and groom a beard, a handlebar and/or goatee. Or, feel free to cling to your scruffy, food-catcher beard: just don’t complain if your wouldbe beloved balks at caressing a briar patch stowing cookie crumbs and dust bunnies.

Today’s personal care market offers palm-held shavers, starting under $20, for grooming not-quite-Humpty Dumpty heads. These fit securely in the palm for steady control while running over the thin and thickets. Result? A professional-looking head shave.

Personal care catalogs offer long-handled razors for those having trouble leaning over to shave legs and LED-lit magnifying mirrors that illuminate those elusive chin hairs. Prop mirror on counter, stand against a dark background, and scrutinize the jawline. Wide grip tweezers, with rounded backs to hold in the palm, offer precise control as they home in on dastardly strays.

Do NOT use tweezers on nose hairs, nor yank at them; serious nerve damage can result from such ill-advised ministrations. Instead, invest in a John Deere-quality nose hair trimmer and the mowing will proceed safely.

For Sasquatch, there’s the Mangroomer™, an over-the-shoulder device that reaches and shaves the hair off the back. Still with me, Bigfoot?

Along with stray hairs, aging skin sloughs off malodorous skin cells, causing what’s unkindly termed “old people’s smell.”

Along with stray hairs, aging skin sloughs off malodorous skin cells, causing what’s unkindly termed “old people’s smell.” Skin buffer gloves, gently applied, will remove the skin-druff. Try running one over the pate for a cue ball finish.

Fixed income cramping your style? Stylist McLaughlin suggests foregoing weekly salon visits and keeping a short easy-care haircut. Finally, congratulate yourself if you aren’t investing your retirement funds in today’s hottest trend in the world of beauty salons. You guessed it: tattoo removal.