My grandmother was in her early 70s when she moved from her home in Scarsdale to an apartment in New Rochelle. It was her decision. My grandfather had died about five years earlier, and her large sprawling house and her even larger sprawling lawn were too much for her. She was determined to downsize. This meant giving away furniture, lamps, linens, and an attic full of relics.
As she aged into her 90s, she continued to downsize. She gave away even more of her possessions — earrings, purses, pins, rings, necklaces, bracelets, sweaters, books — to people she loved, hoping these items would bring as much pleasure to their new owners as they had brought to her. “What do I need them for?” she would say. “It’s time for me to let things go.”
Aging isn’t the only reason people let go of their things. There are people who let their things go much earlier in their lives. I recently saw the documentary Tiny: A Story About Living Small, produced and directed by Christopher Smith and Merete Mueller. Tiny follows Christopher as he builds his 124-square-foot house and is interspersed with interviews from individuals and couples who have decided to live in houses ranging from 100 to 400 square feet.
Now in my early 50s, with two hips surgeries behind me, I have no desire to climb a ladder to a loft bed, nor do I have the desire to live in such close quarters — essentially one room — with my husband and teenage son. Yet I do find myself being drawn to letting go of the things that don’t really matter, to focus on the things that do.
She offered to smudge me, and as she did, she encouraged me to intentionally think about what I wanted to let go of.
So I spend a weekend cleaning and packing bags with things I want to re-gift or trash — clothes, books, shoes, art, linens and electronics. It feels good, so good, as if a weight has been lifted, that I have a plan in place to do more. And while I know this is important work, I also know that it is not enough. I know there are other things I must let go of — nonphysical things — like hurts, disappointments, negativities, sorrows, guilts, shames, pains and blocked energies that encumber my soul and that inhibit me from living a life of deeper spiritual depth.
This idea that we must periodically cleanse our spirit’s home in the soul is an element of most religions and spiritual practices. The Hassidic Master Nachman of Bratslav had a daily practice of walking in an open field for one hour during which he would talk out loud to God, even yell at God, to clear out his soul of all that was troubling him. I, too, have gone out into a field and have opened my heart to God. Somehow hearing myself speak out loud the things that weighed heavily upon me enabled me to understand them in a different way and inch myself forward. (Nachman says even a special room will work.)
Native Americans practice a cleansing ritual called smudging that involves the use of incense and a feather to cleanse the soul of negativity and hurt. I have a good friend who is a practitioner of this ancient spiritual practice. She offered to smudge me, and as she did, she encouraged me to intentionally think about what I wanted to let go of. She then asked me to face the four directions, and while I faced each bearing, in turn, she touched me with a feather where she sensed I was holding my negativity and hurt to aid in its release. The smell of sage and the touch of her feather expanded my experience of “letting go” into the visceral realm.
Letting go of the things that weigh us down.
This concept of expanding our spirit’s home in the soul need not be based on religious beliefs or particular spiritual practices. We can try a more relational approach. For instance, I’ve begun confiding my imperfections, fears, failures, shames and pains to close friends. Not that I didn’t before, but I am intentionally doing so more and more. I have found that the more I share with another, the more that person shares with me. This reciprocal sharing decreases some of the pain and loneliness each of us feels and helps us each move forward with greater strength.
Letting go of the things that weigh us down — the physical possessions we no longer need and the hurts that live inside — can help lighten our load, improve our health, and allow us to live in the home of our souls with greater intention. Perhaps it’s time for a little downsizing of your own, inside or out?
