Most of us think too much about what goes wrong and not enough about what’s right in our lives.

We humans are marvelously skilled at scanning the world for the negative. Think back to junior high, and search those memory banks for a comment someone made that made you feel good. Then try to remember an insult that stung. Odds are you’ll recall the negative memory more easily, and it will come with a far stronger punch. Positive emotions are like Teflon — they don’t stick. Negative experiences and the emotions they evoke — as much as we may yearn to move past them — stick like Velcro. They resonate more deeply, and they are therefore easier to recall.

Our ancestors depended on readiness and quick stress responses that led to fight, flight or freeze.

This annoying trait may have its roots in our primeval history when survival depended on how well we scanned for and responded to threats in our environment. You couldn’t have a discussion with a saber-tooth tiger when it was poised to attack. And if you spent time appreciating the beauty of the landscape back then, you probably wouldn’t have been prepared for disaster. Our ancestors depended on readiness and quick stress responses that led to fight, flight or freeze.

These days we live with irritating stressors that take different forms than their leonine predecessor: frenzy, overwhelm, confusion, relationship difficulties, relocations, financial worries, our own health challenges and caregiving roles, global economic uncertainty, and more. Most of us are in a constant state of stress, and our old responses of fight, flight and freeze are woefully inadequate. This focus on the negative sets us up for anxiety, depression, and other stress-related conditions.

Most of us are in a constant state of stress…

Some negative thinking makes sense. We can sort through bad events, learn from them, and try to avoid them in the future. And when we do feel joy, it is that much more precious because we’ve known sadness. The goal is not to eliminate negative emotions, but rather to generate and savor more of the positive in our lives. We have to work diligently on this, to overcome our natural tilt toward avoiding.

Fortunately, it is possible to retrain our brains and make it more receptive to the positive, by asking, “What’s going well?” When you sip a cup of tea, when you walk the path, when you wash the dishes, even when you feel stuck in the negative vortex, take a moment to look for the positive. Instead of the automatic, “How are you?” ask friends and family, “What’s good?” Listen attentively and openly share in the pleasant feelings generated by this positive focus. Notice how good it feels to be immersed in thoughts of something good; what a relief from the all-that-is-wrong conversations. We’ve all had far too many conversations about ailing body parts over dinner with friends! It’s time to push the negative aside and make some room for good.